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Summary
On episode 482 of 40+ Fitness, Coach Allan tackles a mindset question that trips up almost everyone trying to get healthy: are you actually prioritizing yourself? He opens with a three question self-sacrificing quiz, then walks through why the inner voice most people carry around, full of “have to,” “must,” and “should,” quietly guarantees they never put their own health first.
Allan lays out what real self-care requires: self-love, being frank and honest with yourself and the people around you, consistency and frequency instead of one-off effort, and an actual investment of time, effort, and sometimes money. He closes by admitting he is not immune to any of this, working in a story from his own week about losing his phone and having to forgive himself for the slip.
Links
- https://40plusfitness.com
Key Takeaways
- A three question quiz can flag a self-sacrificing problem. Rate yourself 1 to 6 on: putting others’ wishes before your own or feeling guilty, giving more than you get back, and being too busy for others to have time for yourself. A combined score of 12 or higher signals you are self-sacrificing rather than prioritizing your own health.
- Watch your absolute words. Have to, need, must, ought, and should are “absolute words.” If you only use them for other people’s obligations and never for your own health and fitness, that is a clear sign you are not prioritizing yourself.
- Most “musts” aren’t actually absolute. Allan’s fix: catch the word, stop, and ask if it’s really true. Being five minutes late rarely ends the world, but the story we tell ourselves treats it like it does.
- Self-care starts with self-love, not willpower. Allan points to a client who saw good early results but still didn’t follow through, because she didn’t have the self-love to sustain the harder work. Without that foundation, commitment doesn’t stick.
- Being frank and honest, with yourself and others, prevents resentment. Explaining to family why your health changes matter keeps them from feeling shut out, and keeps you from feeling guilty every time you choose the gym over something else.
- Consistency and frequency, not intensity, create real change. Allan uses the Grand Canyon as the analogy: it wasn’t carved by one massive event but by a slow trickle over millions of years. One hard workout won’t build muscle; showing up over and over will.
- Self-care requires an actual investment, not just intention. That investment is mostly time and effort, sometimes money, whether it’s a pair of good shoes, a gym membership, or hiring help. Allan frames it as thinking ahead to the “sandwich generation” years, when staying capable now means being less of a burden later.
- Prioritizing yourself is ongoing work, not a finished state. Allan shares losing his phone the same way twice in three months and having to actively forgive himself instead of spiraling. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s noticing when the inner voice turns unkind and resetting.
“Life doesn’t get in the way, life is the way.”
Coach Allan
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