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Summary
On episode 370 of 40+ Fitness, Coach Allan sits down with Ruby Warrington, a lifestyle writer and former features editor of the UK’s Sunday Times Style supplement, founder of the online magazine The Numinous, and author of the book Sober Curious.
Ruby argues that cutting back on alcohol isn’t an all-or-nothing choice between full sobriety and denial. The “sober curious” approach is about asking honest questions before you drink, rather than assuming you either have a problem or you don’t.
The conversation covers the real benefits she noticed after cutting back (sleep, energy, deeper relationships), why becoming an evangelist about it backfires, and practical tactics for getting through the awkward “sober firsts.”
Links
- https://the-numinous.com
- https://www.instagram.com/rubywarrington
Key Takeaways
- Better sleep was the biggest single payoff of cutting back on alcohol. Ruby says she didn’t realize how poor her sleep quality was until she removed alcohol; that better sleep cascaded into more energy, more confidence, and more consistency showing up for workouts.
- Don’t become an evangelist about not drinking. Ruby warns that pushing your own choice onto other people tends to backfire; she recommends talking about it only in terms of your own experience and letting curious people ask.
- “Sober curious” means asking honest questions before you drink, not swearing off alcohol entirely. Questions like how will this drink actually make me feel, why do I feel pressure to drink here, and what’s the longer-term impact, replace an automatic yes.
- Strict moderation rules rarely held up for her long term. Rules like “only two glasses” or “only on weekends” kept sliding back to her old habits; taking alcohol off its “special occasion” pedestal and re-examining it honestly worked better than rationing it.
- Using alcohol to numb stress tends to backfire the next day. Ruby says unprocessed feelings come back magnified after the alcohol wears off, while alcohol used to amplify an already good moment tends to leave a lighter hangover.
- Removing alcohol deepened intimacy in her marriage and friendships. Ruby describes sober conversations as happening fully “in the first person,” compared to a conversation over drinks, which she says always has a slight disconnect.
- Expect awkward “sober firsts,” and don’t avoid them. The first wedding, party, or big event without a drink can feel uncomfortable because you’re going against decades of ingrained association, but pushing through builds real confidence that you don’t need alcohol to have fun.
- Practical tactics for staying sober in social settings. Ruby suggests sticking with water, trying alcohol-free beer for the ritual and social cue of holding a drink, and keeping a few genuine questions ready to ask people instead of falling back on small talk.
- Ruby’s three strategies to get and stay well: protect a strict, consistent sleep routine, in bed with no screens well before 10:30; take care of gut health, she credits cutting meat and later cutting alcohol with ending years of IBS symptoms; and keep a daily movement and meditation practice.
“Unprocessed feelings never die. They just come back like zombie feelings that want to eat our brains.”
Ruby Warrington