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Summary
On episode 499 of 40+ Fitness, Coach Allan sits down with Barbara Ballinger and Margaret Crane, freelance writers who have written ten books together, including Suddenly Single After 50 and their new book, Not Dead Yet: Rebooting Your Life After 50.
The conversation centers on their idea of whether your inner cake is baked, the notion that many people assume who they are is fixed once they hit a certain age. Barbara and Margaret argue the opposite: personality and habits stay pliable at any age, and their own lives kept changing well after they thought their story was settled.
They walk through practical habits for staying optimistic and building real friendships as life changes: gratitude practices, honest “big friendships” instead of chasing a single best friend, and giving yourself permission to let go of relationships that no longer serve you.
Links
- https://www.lifelessonsat50plus.com
Key Takeaways
- Build a daily gratitude practice. Barbara and Margaret start their days naming one thing they like about themselves and staying aware of what they have: a roof over their heads, family, friends, and work. That habit pulls them out of dwelling on aches, milestones, or setbacks.
- Focus on your assets, not your deficits. Rather than fixating on small annoyances, they zero in on what is going right. Bad days pass, and reminding yourself of that keeps a rough stretch from becoming a rough life.
- Resilience is built through loss, not avoided by it. Barbara navigated divorce and Margaret the death of her husband, both after marrying young. Rebuilding singlehood and new friendships at that stage of life proved they could adapt to change they never planned for.
- Seek “big friendships,” not just a best friend. They describe an honest, no-filter friendship where you can say hard things and know it will not end the relationship. A few people who make you feel good about yourself matter more than a large network.
- Not every friendship has to last forever. They recommend taking a regular “temperature check” on relationships. If someone is consistently critical or draining, it is fine to let that friendship fade rather than force it to continue.
- Relationships are as essential to health as oxygen. They point to research showing loneliness can be as damaging as major disease risk factors, while strong social ties release chemicals tied to longer, happier lives. New friendships can start anywhere: a grocery line, a subway seat, a volunteer project.
- Keep chasing new passions instead of assuming your interests are set. Between them they took up gardening, painting, Pilates, tutoring, and cooking later in life. If something does not stick, drop it. Nobody is grading you anymore.
- Listening beats advising. Both women say they have worked to stop interrupting and stop assuming they know how someone feels. Letting a friend finish their thought before responding, rather than jumping in with a fix, has strengthened their closest relationships.
- Barbara and Margaret’s three strategies to get and stay well: Margaret’s are staying mentally fit (including therapy without stigma if you need it), eating and sleeping well, and having a strong support system. Barbara’s are staying physically active (walking daily, training for balance), giving of yourself to others, and allowing yourself small indulgences because you do not know how much time you have.
“Relationships are as critical to our lives as oxygen is to keeping us alive.”
Margaret Crane
Another Episode You May Enjoy
Episode 538 – How to use joy to improve your health and fitness with Dr. Michelle Segar