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Summary
On episode 546 of 40+ Fitness, Coach Allan breaks down how four categories of self-talk, absolutes, controlling words, enemy words, and weak words, quietly sabotage health and fitness goals, and what to say instead.
He opens with his own story of hitting bottom on a beach in his late thirties and starting a blog called Fat Bastard, then nearly a decade of starting and stopping before he identified the pattern. Absolutes like “never” and “can’t” are almost never literally true, controlling words like “I can’t” invite rebellion, enemy words like “idiot” or “failure” are language you would never use on a friend, and weak words like resolution, motivation, and willpower give people a built-in excuse to quit.
The fix for each: question absolutes and add “yet I will,” swap “I can’t” for “I choose not to,” treat yourself like your own best friend and use the slip to success process, and replace weak words with the stronger words accountability and commitment.
Links
- https://40plusfitness.com
Key Takeaways
- Absolutes like never, always, and can’t are almost never literally true. Question them whenever you catch yourself using them, and add the phrase “yet I will” to reframe what hasn’t happened yet as still possible.
- Controlling words like “I can’t” or “I’m not allowed” create a feeling of deprivation that invites rebellion. Replacing them with “I choose not to” or “it doesn’t serve me” hands control back to you instead of to a rule.
- Enemy words, calling yourself an idiot, a failure, or weak, are words you would never say to a friend. The fix is to become your own best friend and run mistakes through the slip to success process: forgive, learn, plan, and act.
- Weak words like resolution, motivation, and willpower function as built-in excuses. Because everyone accepts that motivation and willpower run out, leaning on those words makes quitting feel normal and acceptable.
- Allan’s own turning point came from recognizing a pattern in his life. Every area where he had succeeded, college, the CPA exam, his career, was an area where he was fully committed, and applying that same commitment to his health was what finally worked after nearly a decade of stalling.
- The be, do, have model reframes identity before behavior. Decide who you want to be (an athlete, a half marathoner), let that identity dictate your daily actions, and the results follow from there.
- Accountability was a key driver for Allan’s own change. Telling his daughter he wanted to complete a Tough Mudder with her gave him a concrete reason not to let himself off the hook.
- Words both reflect mindset and drive it. Fixing self-talk is a foundational change, not a cosmetic one, and once it’s in place the nutrition and training pieces become far easier to sustain.
“You would never use these words to your best friend. If your best friend made a mistake, you wouldn’t be yelling at him, well, idiot, you failed.”
Coach Allan Misner
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